24: Donut, anyone? Wait... that sounds familiar. Aw, crap.

Previously, on 24...

With the air force after him, Jack lands the helicopter and evades CTU and the cops to find a buddy and get a bag of guns. Ethan, back at work from his heart attack 4 hours ago, tells President Taylor that she could be impeached for covering up the evidence about President Hassan's assassination and going forward with the peace treaty. Logan tells Taylor that she will be fine if they get rid of the evidence (a.k.a. Dana Walsh). President Taylor calls CTU and tells them that they're going to pick up Dana for security reasons, but really they're going to torture her for information and then maybe kill her.

Jack calls Chloe and says he wants justice or something. Chloe tells him that President Taylor is taking Dana away, and Jack wants Chloe to help him get to Dana. Chloe says that she'll help Jack, but really she's leading him into a trap to take him back into custody. Chloe tells Jack where to go to find Dana, but really that's where she has agent Ortiz and his team set up to capture Jack. Jack takes his bag of guns and walks into the trap, but manages to grab a CTU agent and gets everyone to drop their guns and ties them up.

Then Jack talks to Ortiz privately. He says he needs Ortiz's help (for justice!) and that he knows him well enough to know that Ortiz will do the right thing. Jack knows him well enough because he met him 18 hours ago. Ortiz says, "What if you're wrong?" And Jack says, "I'M NOT WRONG!" This argument convinces Ortiz to help Jack. President Taylor and Mrs. Hassan and the Russians begin the peace treaty speech.

Once again, no deaths. Jack has a bag of guns, so hopefully he uses those for justice. And by "justice" I mean "killing lots of people." Projected season totals fall to 107.

24: Donut, anyone?

Previously, on 24...

President Logan goes to talk to the Russians to tell them that he knows that they are behind President Hassan's assassination, and he'll tell President Taylor if they don't sign the peace treaty. Jack calls Chloe to find out anything he can about Red Square. Chloe says that Sergei is having his trial right now, so Jack goes to the courthouse to get information. Jack says he'll kill Sergei's wife, daughter and granddaughter if he doesn't give him the name of Renee's killers. Sergei says that Red Square doesn't exist and that the Russian government is behind everything. Jack wants a name, and Sergei says Dana Walsh is the best they've got! ... er, I mean, he says Dana Walsh is working with the Russian government.

Jack goes to interrogate Dana and he punches her a few times (to the delight of Ortiz) but Dana wants immunity before she'll tell Jack what she knows. President Logan finds out about Jack's intentions and says, "That will ruin everything!" Logan tells President Taylor that the Russians were involved, but she needs to stop Jack or the news will become public and the peace treaty won't get signed. President Taylor goes to CTU and tells Jack to drop his interrogation. Jack is pissed because now the peace treaty will be signed but there will be no justice for Renee's death and Mrs. Hassan will be signing a peace agreement with the people behind her husband's murder. Dana is going to be taken from regular lockdown to super-duper lockdown and Jack is going to be escorted away to a military base to be debriefed. As Jack is being escorted toward a helicopter he grabs a soldier's gun and hijacks the helicopter. Chloe tries to talk him down but Jack doesn't respond, so she calls in the air force to take him down.

And that's it. You want a death tally? How about a big goose egg instead? ZERO KILLS (unless you're counting the part of me that died while watching the way this series is ending). Projected totals fall to 113.

How will this series end? I have no idea. They'll probably reveal the truth to Mrs. Hassan but she'll sign the peace treaty anyway to honor her husband/stick it to the Russians, and Dana will be killed eventually by someone somehow. What SHOULD happen is Jack should land the helicopter at the U.N. meeting and kill President Taylor and the Russians and declare himself President. I'm pretty sure that's how promotions work in the 24 universe.

To make me feel better, I found a picture that depicts Jack rockin' out as the new President. He's also indicating how many kills he still has (22).

Grand Day Out

If I were to make a short list of "Things I Love", it would look like this:

1. Family and Friends

2. Ultimate Frisbee

3. Twins baseball

And with that said I can now tell you, without exaggeration, that Monday was one of the greatest days ever. Opening Day.

I had been to Target Field before. I went to the stadium in March for an "Open House", and froze my butt off checking out my seats and walking around the concourse for about an hour. I went to the stadium for the first exhibition game against the Cardinals, when it was a little chilly and windy and cloudy. But Monday blew both of those experiences out of the water.

It was gorgeous, and surreal. Before the game I walked around the plaza and admired the Puckett and Killebrew statues. I entered the gate and received my commemorative homer hanky and official certificate. It says "Be It Known To Baseball Fans Everywhere That On The Afternoon Of The Twelfth Of April, Two Thousand And Ten At 3:10PM, Ben Hesse Witnessed The First Regular-Season Game Ever Played At The Target Field, Between The Minnesota Twins And The Boston Red Sox In The City Of Minneapolis, In The State Of Minnesota." (It doesn't really have my name on it right now, but there's a space for it.)

I wandered around the concourse, and checked out the view from a few different spots around the stadium; the right field bleachers, the third-base line, the Legend's Club. It was fun to just be able to walk around. Once inside the stadium, I didn't see any ushers demanding to see tickets. They were there to help you find your way if you were lost, but they didn't play the role of bouncer if you wanted to do some pre-game exploring. I think the fact that every seat would eventually be filled allows for this. People with general admission tickets won't try to sneak their way into better seats like at the Dome, simply because there won't be any empty seats to sneak into!

As it got closer to game time, I went and found my seat in the third deck on the first-base side. These were the "cheap seats", but the view was perfect. Above left field, the Twins raised the flags which commemorated the Division, American League, and World Series Championships. Familiar faces like Brad Radke, Corey Koskie, Bert Blyleven, Al Newman, and Jack Morris helped raise each of the flags. O my God, there is wind blowing the Championship flags!

It was starting to dawn on me that this was actually happening. Outdoor baseball, "for realsies".

My cell phone buzzed. Text from Tom (who didn't have tickets): "Standing outside gate 34. Woo hoo!"

Oliva, Carew, Killebrew, Kirby Puckett Jr., and Kent Hrbek brought out the baseballs for the first pitch. It was a little weird having five guys bring out three baseballs for the "first" pitch, but the Twins have done a great job incorporating all the memories and history by bringing in the legends.

Text from Tom: "Larry Fitzgerald just ran past me outside :)" Wow. That's pretty cool.

The Red Sox and Twins marched out on to the field for Opening Day introductions. Scott Ullger was booed when he was introduced, which I was a little surprised by. (Sunday Ullger had waived JJ Hardy home on a Thome double, and Hardy was out by about 40 feet. I blame the Twins for not having Hardy steal second before the Thome double, since Pierzynski has such a noodle arm, but o well. I forgive you, Ullger!) I did boo Kubel, just for old-time's sake. My buddy Jeff gave me a look. "Hey, you gotta boo the hell outta Kubel in order to get him to play well!" This is a strange but true fact. I booed Kubel for years and it finally paid off last season.

A ginormous flag was unfurled on the field for the Star Spangled Banner (it covered the entire outfield!), and fireworks erupted as four F-16s flew over the stadium. I've seen flybys on TV before, but this was an experience that Dome-goers never got, and it's pretty impressive to see it for real. Much better than a video screen in the Dome just showing eagles and fireworks.

Text from Tom: "Best day ever, and I'm not even inside!"

I'm going to fast-forward to quickly cover some of the in-game notes. The first pitch of the game was a ball. Chorus of boos. The leadoff batter for the Red Sox got the first official hit in Target Field, and was promptly picked off. Chorus of cheers. Pavano pitched a great game. Denard Span tracked down a number of long flies. Off of the bat there were several balls that I thought would be home runs, but the wind kept them in the park. There is wind that is keeping home run balls in the park! (Thank goodness too, otherwise former Twin David Ortiz would've had the first home run, and that kind of would've sucked.)

Every Twins player reached base at least once. Nick Punto stole second and broke his belt while sliding. He jogged back towards the dugout while taking it off, and the ballboy ran out to him with a new belt. I was surprised they had a backup belt ready that fast. Does this happen a lot? The Yankees and Red Sox have been criticized for their slow pace of play, and the Twins have backup belts ready.

Justin Morneau looked like he was swinging for the fences with every at bat, but it ended up being Jason Kubel that hit the first official Target Field home run. I told you the booing him would pay off! And, ultimately, the Twins won the game after Jon Rauch locked down the save. I was wondering what his entrance music would be. It was "Wherever I May Roam" by Metallica. Definitely not as awesome as Nathan's music, "STAND UP AND SHOUT!"

But for me, the best moment was after the F-16 flyby, and before the game even got under way. There was just a small pause. The anthem was finished, the giant flag was being folded up and carried away, and the players were crouched on the top steps of the dugout. The sun was shining on the 38,000-plus who were on their feet, and vast majority of us were holding our breath in anticipation of cheering the team on for their first-inning sprint onto the field. It was during that pause where I thought, and I'd like to think everyone else in the stadium thought, "It's happening! It's finally happening! Real professional outdoor baseball in Minnesota!"

Pause.

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR MINNESOTA TWINS!"

Joy.

24: AAAARGH 24 I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE HATE HATE YOU! ARAGHR*&%$@#!

Previously, on 24...

With President Hassan dead, the peace treaty is in a bad place. Jack tells President Taylor that if the treaty isn't signed then the terrorists win, so President Taylor gets Mrs. Hassan to take Omar Hassan's place and will sign the treaty. The Russians are mad about this because they secretly set up Omar Hassan's assassination and want to destroy the peace treaty. President Taylor enlists the help of former 24 President, Charles Logan (season 4-5 President). He says he's pals with the Russians and will smooth things over. Great.

Director Hastings is removed from CTU for his failure to save Hassan, and Chloe is put in charge of CTU because she's been working there for about 16 hours now and has the most seniority or something.

Jack and his team managed to kill all the terrorists except Johan, who was wounded and will be brought back to CTU for questioning. A man disguised as a medic injects him with something to finish him off and as he leaves the scene Renee spots him, but doesn't think much of it.

Turns out that medic guy was a Russian mobster in the Red Square, and he recognizes Renee from when she was undercover. He decides to follow Jack and Renee as they head back to Jack's apartment. He breaks in to the building across the street and kills a random tenant, and then sets up his sniper and scope and watches Jack and Renee have sex for about 40 minutes. Jack gets out of bed and is covered in scars and bullet holes and stab wounds from years of saving America.

Chloe calls and tells Renee that Johan was killed, and Renee remembers that she saw the medic. Renee is about to tell Jack when - PTEW, PTEW - she's shot by the sniper. He tries to shoot Jack but Jack grabs Renee and runs outside to get a cab to bring her to the hospital. The cabbie is an impressive driver, and they get Renee to the hospital quickly. She gets wheeled into another room and Jack gets called from Chloe and learns about the Russian mobster. He got away. The hospital crew comes out and informs Jack that Renee is dead. Aaaannnnnd, here comes the rant:

I HATE YOU 24! I HATE YOU! This is the final season, AND YOU KILL CRAZY RENEE! What kind of crap is that? Jack saves America over and over and over and over and over and over and over again, and you kill his first wife and now you kill Crazy Renee? Thanks for saving America, Jack! Did you want a happy ending? TOO BAD! I honestly would've taken 7 hours of peace negotiations over this. And is Jack going to go all "rampage-y" and kill a bunch of people? NO! Because almost all the bad guys are dead anyway! Sure, they'll kill the Russian mobster and arrest the Russian politicians behind Omar Hassan's assassination, and Dana will be killed for treason, but that's no consolation. YOU HEAR ME 24! KILLING DANA IS NO CONSOLATION! I HATE YOU!

Sigh. Even the death tally isn't going to make me feel better about this episode.

Bad guys: 3 (Mobster poisoned Johan, stabbed Jack's neighbor, killed Crazy Renee).

50 kills now for the bad guys. Everyone else stands pat. Season projections are at 120 deaths. One of which will probably be Jack hanging himself to end the series. You suck, 24. End rant.

24: So... now what?

Previously, on 24…

2-hour night of 24 tonight, so this could be a long post. Are they giving us a 2-hour episode to fit in more killing? I sure hope so!

President Hassan continues to be the best new character when he clonks Jack Bauer on the head and turns himself in to the fake terrorists. He just took a page out of the “Jack Bauer: How to be a Hero” handbook, making the decision to sacrifice himself to prevent the bomb from going off. The lone remaining fake terrorist takes Hassan to Tarin, and the bomb is stopped with 0007 seconds left. Nice job stealing a scene out of the James Bond movie Goldfinger!


Just to update everyone, going into tonight, there were 10 hours left of the final season of 24. In the first half hour of this episode, the bomb was recovered. So the next 9.5 hours are going to be about recovering Hassan.

Bauer eventually is able to follow so he steals a car to go after Hassan. He calls President Taylor and lets her know about the traitors, General Beckman and Secretary of State Weiss. Taylor has Beckman and Weiss arrested, giving Weiss a bitch slap in the process. Ethan is still alive from the heart attack and is taken to the hospital. President Taylor says, “Get back to work soon, that’s an order!” She is the WORST 24 president.

Jack also calls CTU and they are able to track Tarin and Hassan. Agent Ortiz is on the phone with Jack, helping set up an ambush with snipers and machine guns. Dana sneaks away and calls Tarin to help him avoid the ambush. Tarin drives into a parking garage and drops Hassan off with some other bad guys. How did they get there so fast if Tarin only learned about the ambush two seconds ago? This doesn’t make any sense whatsoever.

Jack chases Tarin and he drives his car off of the parking garage roof. Tarin’s dead. Jack calls Renee and tells her that there’s got to be a mole at CTU. They figure out that it’s Dana and she makes a break for it, shooting and killing two security guards. Where did Dana get a gun? Do all computer analysts at CTU get guns? This is all very confusing. Agent Ortiz ends up being the one chasing Dana down, shooting out her tires before she can escape. He throws her out of the car and slams her up against a wall and demands to know who the hell she is. Dana replies, “I want to talk to Jack Bauer.”

Jack shows up and asks why she wanted to speak to him. “Because you’re the only one without your head up your ass.” Wow, what an accurate statement. Dana wants immunity and money. Jack says if Hassan isn’t saved, she’ll get nothing. Meanwhile, Hassan is delivered to Johan. They plan to have him confess to his crimes before they kill him on the Internet. Hassan does not agree, and Johan’s men begin the torture. 24 may be ending, but Hassan is prime for a new action-packed spinoff.

Dana gets the immunity from President Taylor and gives up the building where Johan is hiding, but she doesn’t know what apartment they’re in. Ortiz hears about the immunity and is furious. I hope he kills Dana. Johan soon decides that he can’t break Hassan with torture and decides to start up the Internet feed to talk about Hassan’s crimes himself. CTU and President Taylor watch the feed, and Chloe noticed that the shadows on the wall indicate that they are on the East side, 4th floor. Jack and his team are ready to storm in and save Hassan.

Ortiz snipes one of the lookouts on the roof, and a random agent snipes the other rooftop lookout. Jack enters the building and takes out a hostile on the fourth floor. One agent uses an Internet detector to determine what apartment they’re in. It looks like an expensive piece of CTU gear, but really it accomplishes the same thing as this: http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/hats-ties/bd12/

They find the right apartment and Renee shoots one terrorist while Jack shoots three more. You can hear Johan’s speech the whole time in the background. All hostiles are down and Jack turns to find Hassan. His throat has been slashed. The Internet feed had been pre-recorded, and Jack was too late. I guess there won’t be a spinoff for Hassan after all.

On one hand, I had predicted that 24 would keep Hassan alive and that the series would end with him signing the peace agreement. Kudos to them for not doing something completely predictable. On the other hand, F*** you, 24! Hassan was the only good new character, and now we’ll have 8 hours of President Taylor worrying about politics. Jack will track down Johan eventually, but who cares? The bomb is secured and Hassan is dead. Any agent could track him down and arrest him or kill him. It doesn’t matter. The bad guys won. What motivation is there for Jack to stay on the case? Give Dana the death penalty and Jack can take Crazy Renee to California and concentrate on babysitting his granddaughter. There really isn’t anything else to do. What will they do, have another terrorist shows up out of nowhere with another random bomb for Jack to stop? Ugh. I think the 24 writers have their heads up their asses.

Death Tally:
Bad guys: 4 (Dana shot 2 guards, Tarin killed himself, Johan killed Hassan)
Jack: 4 terrorists
Renee, Ortiz, random agent: 1 terrorist each

Jack is now up to 22 kills, Ortiz up to 6, and Renee up to 4. Bad guys are up to 47. 82 deaths on the season and our projected death total goes up to 123. It will go down over the next 8 hours, and I will likely be grumpy until Dana is finally killed.