24: It's Over!

Previously, on 24...

Before the show officially starts, we get a message from Kiefer Sutherland thanking the fans for our support and enthusiasm. Kiefer isn't torturing anyone as he says this, so I should've known tonight's finale was going to be a letdown.

The show opens with Cole tracking down Jack's buddy, who sees Cole coming and erases his computers. Since the journalist was arrested, the only evidence that exists against the Russians is the recording Jack got off of Logan. Logan heads off to the UN and his right-hand man Pillar still has the task of finding Bauer. Bauer gets to Pillar first, hiding in his car and forcing Pillar to sneak him past the peace treaty security. He also makes Pillar sew up his knife wound. Gross. Jack is about to execute Pillar but then decides to knock him out and throw him in a car instead. Jack then goes to set up shop across the street from the UN. He's got a sniper rifle.

Inside the UN, Mrs. Hassan gives President Taylor a present that Omar Hassan was saving for her. It's a pen with some "we love peace" crap engraved on it. I desperately hoped that Jack would end up using the pen to stab someone. Kayla Hassan then talks to Mrs. Hassan and says that the journalist was trying to reach them about Omar's real killers. Mrs. Hassan goes to talk to President Taylor, but Taylor ignores her. Mrs. Hassan says she'll refuse to sign the peace treaty if they don't find the journalist. Taylor confesses that the Russians are behind the murder. Mrs. Hassan says she's going to leave the peace treaty and report Taylor to the UN. Taylor says she'll deny it, show that the IRK tried to detonate a nuclear bomb earlier in New York, and the U.S. military will strike back at her country. This was the best scene involving President Taylor ever because she finally wasn't acting all wishy-washy for a change. She was just being evil!

Across the street Jack sets his sniper sights on President Logan, and gives him a call, telling him that he'll kill Logan if he doesn't call the Russian president into his office. I was yelling "KILL HIM! KILL HIM!" the whole time. Arlo finds out that Jack is across the street and Chloe goes to try and stop Jack. Agent Ortiz is in charge of security and says that if he doesn't hear back from Chloe in 20 minutes, he'll sound the alarm and take Jack down. Chloe finds Jack, but Jack takes her down with a sleeper hold. Yuri heads up to Logan's office.

Jack is getting ready to finally assassinate the man who ordered the hit on Renee, but then Chloe comes to and says that she can get the recording out to the media despite President Taylor's hold on the presses. She says that if he kills Yuri, the Russians will see it as an act of war, and Renee wouldn't want that. Me yelling: "KILLLLLL HIMMMM!!!!"

Ortiz dispatches his men with shoot to kill orders to take down Jack. Jack finally listens to Chloe (Booooo) and puts his gun down, but now they need to get Chloe out of the building with the data card. Jack knows that she can't just walk out, so he makes her promise to do what he says. He tells Chloe to shoot him so that the agents storming the building won't kill him, and so that she can walk away with the evidence against Logan, Taylor and the Russians. Jack was yelling at Chloe to shoot him, but she couldn't, and he yelled "WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!" but she still couldn't shoot him, so he drew a gun on her, but she STILL couldn't shoot him, so her held the gun to his head and was about to kill himself and then BOOM, Chloe shot him in the shoulder. This scene was awesome, but with Jack down it pretty much guaranteed that there'd be no more kills. Sigh. Everything went downhill from there.

Pillar is found in the car and he stops Chloe from leaving the building. He tries to get Chloe to give up anything that Jack gave her, and Chloe shrugs and says, "I just shot my friend, sooo..." Pillar lets her leave but then decides he wants her stopped and Jack, now being patched up on a gurney, gets Pillar's attention and BITES HIS EAR OFF! Ugh. Pillar catches Chloe and puts her and Ortiz in lockdown, and gets the datacard to Logan. Jack is also locked down by CTU.

Logan gives the datacard to Taylor for some reason, and tells her that the only thing left to do is kill Bauer so that he doesn't come after them. WHY DID LOGAN GIVE HER THE DATACARD? It makes no fricking sense. He's worried about covering up his tracks and eliminating the evidence, and he just gives it to the President?!?! Why not destroy it? Oh, 24, I will miss your non-sensical ways.

It's time for the peace treaty to finally be signed. Yuri signs, Mrs. Hassan signs, and President Taylor (while holding the special peace pen from Omar Hassan) decides NOT to sign the treaty. Earlier when Taylor was acting all evil, I actually enjoyed her character. Now I hate her again, and maintain my position that she is the worst 24 president ever. I HATE her back and forth bulls#!t character. In season 7, all she did EVERY 20 MINUTES was say "I don't know if I trust Jack," "I trust Jack completely," "I don't know if I trust Jack," "I trust Jack completely!" It drove me insane. Now this season she has to has to do the right thing, then can't bring herself to do that, then has to do the right thing, then wants to do the evil thing, then wants to do the right thing. Note my use caps: I HATE HER SO MUCH, ARRRGHGHFUCGHGUH!

While she was holding the friendship pen trying to decide if she should sign or not, I was rooting for her to sign it and just stay evil, because at that point, Jack had already lost Renee, lost the evidence he gave to the reporter, had NOT shot Logan, had NOT shot Yuri, and had lost the evidence he gave to Chloe. Just let the bad guys win at this point, and Jack can bust out of the CTU ambulance and get sweet revenge killing everyone. Instead, she changes her mind, and it's like, "Whoops! Sorry we screwed you, Jack! (and Omar Hassan) Haha, that's my bad!"

While Taylor giggles, "my bad", she suddenly remembers that they put a hit on Jack. She tries to call Logan to call it off, but he won't answer the phone. Pillar tries to answer the phone, so Logan kills him with a bottle of booze. Maybe the stupidest kill of the season - the last one we'll ever get on 24. Logan is so afraid of Bauer that he has to kill Pillar I guess. Logan then shoots himself. I thought this was a good thing, but it turns out he doesn't even die. WHAT THE HELL, 24? What is the point of keeping Logan alive? You don't let Bauer kill him, but at least let him commit suicide. Instead, the medics say he'll have brain damage. Great! So, if Jack ever wanted to get revenge on Logan, he'd be hunting down someone with brain damage, which isn't very sporting. I've said before how I want Jack Bauer to kill the writers, but I think they all have brain damage too.

Taylor releases Chloe and tells her to find Jack using the CTU drones. They find video of the ambulance attack, where agents were wounded (not killed - GRRRRR!), and track it to wherever they took Jack to execute him. Chloe uses technology to get President Taylor on the phone with the gunmen and she tells them to stand down and drive away. Taylor then tells Jack that she didn't sign the treaty and she'll be resigning and facing the consequences of her actions, but so must he (killing Novakovich, etc.). She suggest he flee the country, and says that the Russians and the U.S. will be looking for him. Jack then stays on the line to talk to Chloe. He tells her to protect his family and thanks her for having his back, then he runs off into the distance and season 8 comes to an end. If this sets up a movie where Jack kills Yuri, then I'm okay with it. If not, then the "no revenge for Jack" angle really sucks.

Today's kill count: Logan: 1 (Pillar). Yep. That's the explosive 2 hour finale. 1 awful kill.

SEASON KILL TOTALS:
Bad Guys (53)
Logan: 1
Logan's fake terrorists: 9
Fahrad Hassan, Terin, Johan and their gang: 18
Dana Walsh: 5
Vladimir: 1
Sergei, Joseph and his goons: 6
Davros and his goons: 9
Blackmailer guy: 1
Russian sniper assassin: 3

Good Guys (52)
Omar Hassan: 1
Random good guys/cops: 2
Renee Walker: 4
Cole Ortiz: 6
Jack Bauer: 39 (WINNER!)

Bad guys killed more people than good guys, but plenty of those kills were bad guys killing other bad guys. Grand total of 105 dead (4.375 deaths per hour). I'm exhausted, and now need to find a new TV show to yell at. To summarize what Jack basically said to end the series, "PEACE! I'm outta here!"

Please "like" this

I’ve had my Facebook account for about three years now, and for every party invitation received, every photo shared by a friend, and every chuckle I’ve had from a funny status update, I have received roughly the same amount of annoying requests to check out Zombie-Mafia-Vampire-Pirate-Ninja-Werewolf-Farmer applications. I “ignore”, I “block”, I “un-friend”, and Facebook life moves on.

So when I received an “America’s Anonymous Self Portrait” suggestion from my cousin Adam a few weeks ago, I clicked “ignore” and didn’t give it a second thought. Today I was looking at some of my cousin’s artwork on the Facebook and saw a link to that aforementioned suggestion, and this time I looked more closely at it. And I was impressed.

Adam has started a project of collecting anonymous self-portraits from anyone willing to contribute. Send in a self-portrait and Adam will post it and eventually maybe put together a website or publish a collection of the artwork. You don’t have to be a professional artist to partake; it’s more of a way to express who you are with a painting, drawing or doodle.

Adam admits that this isn’t an entirely new concept, but I still love this idea. It reminded me of the PostSecret idea (http://postsecret.blogspot.com/), which I also thought was a simple but wonderful idea. I just like that there are different ways of expressing one’s self, and that people are generally interested in what others are thinking, feeling and experiencing in this crazy world. There’s no reason why Adam’s project can’t be as successful as that one.

Well, okay, there might be one reason why it wouldn’t be as successful, and it’s exactly what I outlined above. “Ignore”. I got the page suggestion and I automatically clicked “ignore” because I don’t want be hassled into growing virtual corn on running virtual drug cartels. I’m sure that there are plenty of other folks out there that have been conditioned through Facebook to do the same thing. Which kind of sucks for Adam, because good ideas like this can get lost in all the crap out there.

On Facebook I am relatively unpopular with only 178 friends. Here on Blogspot I officially have 2 “followers”, and maybe a handful or two of loyal readers. But I feel like pointing this out in my blog might bring more actual interest to Adam’s project than if I send out 200 ignored page suggestions on Facebook. So check out the link below, where you can get more details on the project and see the first batch of submissions. If you like the concept, please “Like” the Facebook page. It’s still in the early stages, but hopefully it will gain more interest and take off.

http://www.facebook.com/#!/anonymous.selfportrait

24: I AM IRON MAN

Previously, on 24...

We see the aftermath of last week's torture scene: a big ol' pile of blood and guts! Jack tells the journalist to get the data to someone she can trust and expose the truth, then he goes after Logan. Logan is talking with President Taylor and shares the bad news that "Operation Capture Jack Bauer has failed! ... He escaped!" Yes, they actually called their secret operation "Operation: Capture Jack Bauer". And yes, after he said that Operation Capture Jack Bauer had failed, he needed to clarify that statement by saying that Jack Bauer escaped.

"OPERATION CAPTURE JACK BAUER HAS FAILED!"

(Confused look) "So... by 'failed' you mean...?"

"He escaped!"

(Comprehension!) "Ah! Now I get it! When you said Operation Capture Jack Bauer had failed, I wasn't sure. Thanks for clarifying! Hey, isn't it neat that we were both elected President?"

Logan convinces Taylor to stop the presses from running anything if they get condemning information. They send out CTU and the FBI and halt the newspapers and arrest the journalist lady, so right now it looks like the truth will not get out.

Logan drives off in his car, and Jack starts unpacking his bag o' guns that he had been toting around. Only it isn't just a bag o' guns, it's a bag o' guns and wicked body armor. Jack suits up and looks like War Machine from the new Iron Man movie, and while Logan's car is stuck in traffic under a bridge, Jack starts firing to cause a panic and trap Logan. Logan starts screaming, "IT'S JACK BAUER!" Jack shoots (but doesn't kill) Logan's secret service men, and then lauches tear gas into Logan's limo to smoke him out.

Jack drags Logan away and eventually starts threatening him for information, demanding to know who ordered the hit on Renee. Logan shakes and squirms and cries and pleads, and tells Jack that Novakovich (some Russian representative) was behind it all. Jack puts Logan in a sleeper hold and goes after Novakovich. He gets to Novakovich's hotel and kills three of his guards (I guess it's okay to kill secret service men from Russia), but Jack gets stabbed pretty bad while doing so, but moves on to face Novakovich.

Meanwhile, every CTU agent is chasing after Jack, and somehow this means that Chloe can get Agent Ortiz out of his holding cell for security detail or something. She wants Ortiz to find Jack's associate and help Jack, but Ortiz says that if Jack is crazy that he might have to kill him. Great.

Logan wakes up from his sleeper hold and tries to call Novakovich to warn him that Bauer is after him. The camera brings us back to the hotel and all we see are super-bloody dead bodies, including Novakovich, who was impaled through the stomach. Logan sighs, then makes another phone call to Yuri, the Russian President who is on his way to the peace treaty. Logan tells Yuri that Jack killed Novakovich, but that Jack doesn't know that Yuri ordered the hit on Renee. Then we see a closeup of Logan's collar and see a bug, and learn that Jack is listening to Logan's conversation. He bugged Logan while putting him in the sleeper hold! Jack's bleeding a ton and looks pretty bad, but now he can go after and kill the Russian President! Two-hour finale next week!

I was a bit disappointed that Jack didn't kill Logan this week, but he wracked up seven kills. It was fun to see the pile of guts from the torture scene, and Jack went bats#!t crazy killing Novakovich. Revenge is a dish best served within 24 hours, by a pissed off Jack Bauer! Kill count:

Jack: 7 kills (Russians shot, stabbed, impaled!)

39 kills for the season for Jack and 104 deaths for the season. With two hours left we have a projected death tally of 113. I don't know if he'll get 9 kills next week, but it's nice that we're ending the season with at least 100 kills. I'm hoping that Jack kills the Russian President for ordering the hit on Renee, and kills President Logan for lying to him this episode. Then, when the truth comes out about President Taylor's involvement, I hope one of Hassan's followers (or Mrs. Hassan, or Hassan's daughter) kills President Taylor. She'll probably just be impeached, but I think killing off three presidents would be a good ending to the series. And then Jack can get stiched up and take over as supreme ruler of the world. Or as I call it, "Operation: Jack Bauer takes over as supreme ruler of the world."

I - AM - IRON MAN! DADAH DADAH DADAH dahdah DAHDAH!

24: It Takes Guts

Previously, on 24…

The data Jack got from Dana reveals that the Russians were behind Hassan’s assassination and also gives Jack the identity of the Russian agent who shot Renee. Jack calls the journalist that Hassan was having an affair with hoping to give her the data so the truth will be exposed. CTU intercepts Jack’s phone call and dispatches the Russians to take him and the journalist out. Agent Ortiz is in lockdown at CTU, but won’t tell them where Jack is, even though he knows Jack executed Dana. Chloe and Arlo figure out that Jack is right and the government is trying to silence him, so they use some great technology from Sprint in order to sneak Chloe in to Ortiz’ cell and learn that Jack has someone supplying him guns. Chloe will try to find Jack’s buddy in order to help Jack somehow.

Jack goes to meet the journalist and the Russian operatives start closing in. Fortunately, Jack knew CTU would be trying to intercept his call and he used their trap against them to draw out the Russians. He kills four operatives and takes Renee’s killer hostage. He gives the data to the journalist, and prepares to torture the s#!* out of the Russian that killed Renee. The Russian swallows the SIM card from his phone while Jack isn’t looking.

Jack starts torturing, the Russian spits on Jack, Jack burns him with a blowtorch. All of this is cool, but none of this gives Jack the name of who ordered the hit on Renee. Jack starts to become frustrated until he sees the Russian’s phone and sees that the SIM card is missing. He knows the Russian swallowed it, calls him a dumbass, and uses pliers to kill the assassin and pull the SIM card out of his guts. Jack plugs the card into the phone and dials the last number, getting the voicemail of President Logan. He’s next!

Death Tally:
Jack: 5 (Shot 4 Russian operatives, Eviscerated Renee’s assassin)

This was the best episode since they killed off Renee. Yeah, I’d rather the writers were the ones that were tortured, but at least Renee’s assassin was taken out, and it’s been awhile since Jack has really tortured anyone. Plus I got to use the word “eviscerated” to describe a 24 episode. 97 deaths for the season, with Jack up to 32 kills. Projected death totals for the season: 111. Hopefully 2 of those deaths will be President Logan and President Taylor. Hooray for Revenge!

Polls show idiots should be tasered

Monday night some high school kid ran onto the field during a Phillies game and after being chased around a little ended up being tasered by a police officer. I guess he even called his dad before running on the field asking him for permission. Dad said he didn't think that was a good idea (GOOD PARENTING!) but the kid ran out there anyway. ESPN had the story, along with a poll asking if you thought the use of a taser was excessive in taking down the kid. I voted "No". What surprised me was that the majority of the world agreed with me. "Pro-taser" got 60% of the votes! (out of almost 180,000 votes when I checked.)

This restores my faith in 60% of the world. I hate it when people run on the field during ball games. It stops the momentum of the game itself, and most of the time the TV cameras turn away so you don't get to see the knuckleheads get tackled. There have been a few games I've watched where Bert and Dick have to announce "Well, now a White Sox fan is running onto the field" and all the viewer sees at home is the pitcher looking on impatiently. 1) They should always stun people that run onto the field. 2) The cameras should show it. Show the viewers at home that if you do something that stupid, you'll get punished.

I hope that most of those people that voted "pro-taser" actually agree with me for the same reason, i.e., punishing stupid acts vs. "huh-huh, tasers are cool!" Hmm. Now I'm beginning to suspect that some of those votes were just from people who liked "The Hangover".

Follow-up: I just read that another fan ran onto the field in Philly during the Tuesday game, but this time they didn't use the stun gun. If I'm ever in charge of ballpark security, I'm buying a catapult. My policemen will catch you, stun you, we'll load you up, and then we'll launch you over the right-field wall. Stay off the field, stupid people!

24: Die, Dana, Die!

Previously, on 24...

Dana is being tortured and Jack and Ortiz go get her. Jack kills four of the men that are guarding her before they escape. Jack threatens to kill Dana for the information he needs and she tells him that it's in a safety deposit box at the bank.

One of the CTU agents that tried to apprehend Jack last episode calls Chloe and says that Jack is loose. Logan finds out about this and convinces President Taylor to send one of his buddies over to CTU to take over Jack's capture. He upgrades Jack to a "level 8", so now he can be shot. The Russians are working with Logan now too, and will eventually send someone out to kill Jack Bauer.

Jack waits in the bank lobby while Ortiz and Dana get the safety deposit box. Ortiz opens the box and a flash bomb goes off, and Dana knocks him out. Dana grabs the data from the safety deposit box, shoots a bank employee (which was funny, because he happened to be a friend of Cole's) and then calls 911 to tell them that Jack is there. The police come to arrest Jack and Dana makes a run for it.

Jack manages to take down the cops and chases after Dana. She randomly shoots a pedestrian and runs into a building. Jack corners her and she hands over the data. Jack points a gun at her and she pleads, "Jack, what can I do?" Jack says, "Nothing!" and shoots her dead. 3 1/2 months ago I was begging for her to die. This was way back when all she was was a CTU computer analyst. I didn't know that she was a small-time criminal, and I didn't know that she'd evolve into a mole for Johan, and I didn't know that she'd further evolve into the big criminal mastermind for the Russians. I just hated her from the very beginning, and I wanted her dead.

And now she is, so hooray. I would've been happier right now if the show hadn't been completely ruined when they killed Renee. So now Jack needs to go public with the information without being killed by the police, CTU, or the Russians, and he'll kill a bunch of people that are somehow responsible for Renee's death. I halfway expect Tony Almeida to show up and either help Jack, or show up because he's the main bad guy. It probably won't happen, but it wouldn't surprise me or thrill me either way. Jack's not getting a happy ending. I don't think he'll even go to California to live with Kim. He'll probably save the day and then get shot.

But chin up, everyone! There's actually a kill count today. Death tally:

Jack: 5 kills (4 men torturing Dana, then Dana)

Bad guys: 2 kills (Dana killed bank employee and random civilian)

92 deaths for the season. Jack has 27 kills, so he'll for sure average 1 kill/hour this season. Bad guys are up to 52 kills with Dana's contribution today. The projected totals for the season goes back up to 110. 4 more hours to go.