If you've made the journey down to the HHH Metrodome to catch a Twins game, I'm sure you've noticed all the red banners located between the upper and lower decks. The red banners have a Twins player's number and some sort of clever group name associated with them. I don't know if these are the player's individual charity groups or kids clubs or what, but they're pretty charming. Joe Mauer's banner says "Mauer's Minnies," for example.
But the recent exodus of Twins players has me worried. "Mauer's Minnies" are safe behind the plate (the banners are typically situated around the stadium according to the player's positions), but what of the many groups who have lost their leader? The beloved Torii Hunter left the Twins for the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I was crushed by the loss, but I can only imagine what "Hunter's Homies" are going through. Have you seen Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? There's a scene where a witchdoctor or crazy priest or something pulls the still-beating heart out of a victim's chest. There is a void in the Twins outfield, and a soul-wrenching black hole in the sternums of the "Homies."
But next time you "pour some out for your lost homies," make sure you buy a pretty big bottle, because you'll be pouring for a few more abandoned affiliations. It appears as if Johan Santana is heading to New York, and the soon-to-be-orphaned "JoJo's Niños" wipe their teary eyes and ask, "¿usted no me ama?" ("You don't love me?"). Univision is already working on the emotional TV miniseries.
Not as popular as the aforementioned legions was "Ortiz' What's Up? Group." Yes, this was the best they could come up with for "Little Papi" Ramon Ortiz. Hunter and JoJo's children had several seasons to grow up cheering for their assigned idols, but the "What's Up? Group" was very much in it's early infancy. Perhaps this group was mercifully aborted before it fully developed.
While Ortiz' departure may not emotionally scar as many children as the bigger stars' groups, it sure will make my trips to the Homer Dome a little less mirthful. Late in the 2007 season I remember watching Ramon take the mound in a relief appearance. (I believe it was against the Detroit Tigers, so for the purposes of this retelling, I'll use some Detroit players' names). Ortiz was outstanding in his one inning of work, striking out the side. My buddy and I exalted in the performance, and let the Tigers hitters know about it. After each strike three called, we bellowed, "WHAT'S UP GARY SHEFFIELD?!" "WHAT'S UP CARLOS GUILLEN?!" "WHAT'S UP SEAN CASEY?!" It was the $6.00 beers talking. With Ortiz' departure, I'm sure I'll still drink and yell, but I won't be letting Sheffield know "what's up" in 2008.
But these don't even address the scariest loss. My hope is that the "Homies" and the "Niños" will fill some of the void with a litte extra cotton candy or a few more dome dogs. A fortunate few may be adopted by Joe Mauer and become a "Minnie." And even the "What's Up? Group" will be able to drown their sorrows with enough ridiculously expensive Miller Lite (I really want to make a fetal-alcohol syndrome joke here... is that wrong?). The horrifying question is what will happen with Lew Ford's "Lew's CPUs"?
The "CPUs" were well controlled by evil-genius Ford while he was still in uniform. He leaves to go play in Japan, and while Japan is well equipped to handle any possible revolt of a legion of robots, I'm not so sure Minnesota is. If Lew took his army with him, we'll be fine. If they were left behind, like "Hunter's Homies" or "JoJo's Niños," I shudder at the possibilities. A scorned child worries me little. A scorned killer robot Hell-bent on revenge terrifies me.
Let's hope that newly-acquired Delmon Young enlists "Delmon's Destroyers" or "Delmon's Deactivators" to adress this possible problem. I'm looking forward to the baseball season already.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Septoplastered
Sorry for the lack of blogginess lately. Tuesday I had septoplasty surgery and have been kinda out of it. Very dizzy and woozy. But now I think I'm somewhat with it again. Staying home, recovery has consisted of eating pudding pops, watching Arrested Development, and sleeping. I've had the song "The final countdown" by Europe running through my head all week as a consequence.
Before the surgery the doctor said that there'd be no changes to my appearance due to the septoplasty. I had visions of waking up in the chair, having my bandages unravelled and the doctor recoiling in horror. "The mirror... THE MIRROR!" Ironic that the new Joker, Heath Ledger, died that same day, but those were honestly the thoughts going through my head before the operation.
Before the surgery the doctor said that there'd be no changes to my appearance due to the septoplasty. I had visions of waking up in the chair, having my bandages unravelled and the doctor recoiling in horror. "The mirror... THE MIRROR!" Ironic that the new Joker, Heath Ledger, died that same day, but those were honestly the thoughts going through my head before the operation.
Anyway, there probably really weren't any physical changes to the outside appearance, but I look in the mirror now and think "Are my nostrils bigger?" I'm not sure. My nose might just be a little swollen, or I could be tripping out on Vicodin.
Monday, January 14, 2008
D War
I watched a ton of terrible movies over the weekend. The best/worst of them might have been Dragon Wars. I'm not sure if I loved it or hated it. Horrible acting and script, but I sure did laugh a lot at how stupid it was.
The story is that a couple giant lizards need a twenty-year-old girl in order to become a dragon and there's a good lizard and a bad lizard and they can only transform every 500 years or something. I wasn't too clear on this. Were they supposed to eat the girl or what?
We get a whole back story of the last time the lizards tried to get the girl in 1505 from some wise old reincarnated guy who sells antiques. Wise old guys are always in antique stores or dusty libraries or something along those lines (Neverending Story, Gremlins, Highlander, etc.). Anyway, the lizard things are called "Inoogi," and this made me think of Planes, Trains and Automobiles-
Marti Page: Mom, is Grandpa Walter going to give me noogies?
Susan Page: Of course he's going to give you noogies. He loves giving you noogies. That's how he tells you he loves you.
Little Neal Page: Why doesn't he give me noogies?
Susan Page: Because you get Indian burns.
Little Neal Page: But I prefer noogies.
I pretty much had that running through my head the whole movie.
Throughout the film there's a bad guy walking around who I think is trying to help the bad Inoogi. Not really clear. He gets hit by TWO cars and is a cross between the bad guy from Highlander and Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. One of my favorite things about the film is that they kind of make up Mortal Kombat super powers as they go along. Here's the bad guy, and he can walk through walls and shoot LOTS of fire and create magic swords and... should we have him haunt peoples' dreams like Freddy Krueger? Sure, he'll do that too. And the antique dealer can shape shift and meditate.
My absolute favorite thing about the movie is that they pick on homeless people for no reason. The bad guy (Shredder) walks through a wall and then a homeless lady is like, "Huh?" and tries to walk through the wall and hits her head and falls down. (1) There was NO REASON to include that! Awesome! (2) I think his scene takes place in someone's dream sequence, so it may not have really happened in reality, just as comic relief in someone's nightmare ... or destiny dream ... or something.
The 20-year-old girl of destiny comes home feeling sick and hangs up Chinese protection words everywhere. Her roommate says, "Wazzup?" Destiny girl says, "Terrible things of destiny are going to happen." Roommate says, "you should lie down and then we should go drinking." Destiny girl says, "But the ONLY thing that can keep me safe are these pieces of paper with Chinese words that I put up everywhere." Roommate says, "Lie down and then drink with me!" Destiny girl, "Okay, sounds good!"
They go out and Destiny girl feels sick and goes home and has a nightmare with Shredder and calls an ambulance. The ambulance picks her up and drives to the hospital, and on the way it drives through a HUGE puddle to splash a homeless guy sleeping by some trash cans. WHY? Why go out of your way to do this?!
Shredder helps the bad Inoogi chase the girl the whole movie and the army blows up the city. All the helicopter pilots look fat and inept. They put a zoo keeper in an insane asylum (that was the most annoying part of the movie) because he was the only one who saw the Inoogi. I hope insane asylums really work this way:
Psychiatrist: Did you really see a giant snake?
Zoo Keeper: Yes!
Psychiatrist: Then lock him up!
Zoo Keeper: I mean... no.
Psychiatrist: Then you're free to go!
Zoo Keeper: Sweet! And I meant yes.
Psychiatrist: Okay, you're crazy. Lock him up!
The good Inoogi isn't a factor until the end. It's like he didn't care that the bad Inoogi was chasing the girl of destiny. I also didn't care. If my blog today seems a bit scattered and confusing, I did a good job of recapturing the essence of the film. This movie was really bad. And awesome.
5 stars.
The story is that a couple giant lizards need a twenty-year-old girl in order to become a dragon and there's a good lizard and a bad lizard and they can only transform every 500 years or something. I wasn't too clear on this. Were they supposed to eat the girl or what?
We get a whole back story of the last time the lizards tried to get the girl in 1505 from some wise old reincarnated guy who sells antiques. Wise old guys are always in antique stores or dusty libraries or something along those lines (Neverending Story, Gremlins, Highlander, etc.). Anyway, the lizard things are called "Inoogi," and this made me think of Planes, Trains and Automobiles-
Marti Page: Mom, is Grandpa Walter going to give me noogies?
Susan Page: Of course he's going to give you noogies. He loves giving you noogies. That's how he tells you he loves you.
Little Neal Page: Why doesn't he give me noogies?
Susan Page: Because you get Indian burns.
Little Neal Page: But I prefer noogies.
I pretty much had that running through my head the whole movie.
Throughout the film there's a bad guy walking around who I think is trying to help the bad Inoogi. Not really clear. He gets hit by TWO cars and is a cross between the bad guy from Highlander and Shredder from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. One of my favorite things about the film is that they kind of make up Mortal Kombat super powers as they go along. Here's the bad guy, and he can walk through walls and shoot LOTS of fire and create magic swords and... should we have him haunt peoples' dreams like Freddy Krueger? Sure, he'll do that too. And the antique dealer can shape shift and meditate.
My absolute favorite thing about the movie is that they pick on homeless people for no reason. The bad guy (Shredder) walks through a wall and then a homeless lady is like, "Huh?" and tries to walk through the wall and hits her head and falls down. (1) There was NO REASON to include that! Awesome! (2) I think his scene takes place in someone's dream sequence, so it may not have really happened in reality, just as comic relief in someone's nightmare ... or destiny dream ... or something.
The 20-year-old girl of destiny comes home feeling sick and hangs up Chinese protection words everywhere. Her roommate says, "Wazzup?" Destiny girl says, "Terrible things of destiny are going to happen." Roommate says, "you should lie down and then we should go drinking." Destiny girl says, "But the ONLY thing that can keep me safe are these pieces of paper with Chinese words that I put up everywhere." Roommate says, "Lie down and then drink with me!" Destiny girl, "Okay, sounds good!"
They go out and Destiny girl feels sick and goes home and has a nightmare with Shredder and calls an ambulance. The ambulance picks her up and drives to the hospital, and on the way it drives through a HUGE puddle to splash a homeless guy sleeping by some trash cans. WHY? Why go out of your way to do this?!
Shredder helps the bad Inoogi chase the girl the whole movie and the army blows up the city. All the helicopter pilots look fat and inept. They put a zoo keeper in an insane asylum (that was the most annoying part of the movie) because he was the only one who saw the Inoogi. I hope insane asylums really work this way:
Psychiatrist: Did you really see a giant snake?
Zoo Keeper: Yes!
Psychiatrist: Then lock him up!
Zoo Keeper: I mean... no.
Psychiatrist: Then you're free to go!
Zoo Keeper: Sweet! And I meant yes.
Psychiatrist: Okay, you're crazy. Lock him up!
The good Inoogi isn't a factor until the end. It's like he didn't care that the bad Inoogi was chasing the girl of destiny. I also didn't care. If my blog today seems a bit scattered and confusing, I did a good job of recapturing the essence of the film. This movie was really bad. And awesome.
5 stars.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Welcome to the world of tomorrow!
Today I taught a training class about a new form; the 29500.
(calm before the storm)
This form will be given to non-producing agents.
(so it doesn't matter)
It will be handled the same as our 29300.
(MASS HYSTERIA!)
I am constantly amazed by the things that people actually worry about. People panic and lose sleep over this stuff. "29500 is like the 29300 so we don't actually have to do anything different at all? I'M SCARED! AAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!!"
When the class had sort of calmed down, there were questions. Most of them were stupid and boring, but there was one that was stupid and entertaining: "Is this the wave of the future?"
Yes. This is the wave of the future. No hover-boards or flying cars. 29500 forms for agents who are afraid of computers so they don't generate any business for us = wave of the future. Good grief. It's a good thing this "paper" thing is the wave of the future, and not advanced things like computers or robots.
When training robots powered by fear and stupidity become the wave of the future, then I'll be out of a job.
(calm before the storm)
This form will be given to non-producing agents.
(so it doesn't matter)
It will be handled the same as our 29300.
(MASS HYSTERIA!)
I am constantly amazed by the things that people actually worry about. People panic and lose sleep over this stuff. "29500 is like the 29300 so we don't actually have to do anything different at all? I'M SCARED! AAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!!"
When the class had sort of calmed down, there were questions. Most of them were stupid and boring, but there was one that was stupid and entertaining: "Is this the wave of the future?"
Yes. This is the wave of the future. No hover-boards or flying cars. 29500 forms for agents who are afraid of computers so they don't generate any business for us = wave of the future. Good grief. It's a good thing this "paper" thing is the wave of the future, and not advanced things like computers or robots.
When training robots powered by fear and stupidity become the wave of the future, then I'll be out of a job.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Post-Gladiator comments
I just watched the first installment of AG, and I'm glad I had a book with me. It had some entertaining moments, but even if you think this is the best show ever, you still get 5 minutes of commercials between the 30 second competitions. I got a lot of reading done.
Hellga was a bust. I plopped down on the coach at 8:00, and she didn't compete until about 9:15. In that competition, the Gauntlet, the two challengers just ran right by her, and that was all we saw of Hellga all night. She didn't send anyone to Valhalla! Disappointing. I think she's just too big to compete in most of the events. I was surprised she wasn't involved in the Hit and Run game, where Gladiators toss 100 lb silver nutsacks at challengers trying to cross a bridge. Wouldn't Hellga be ideal for this, being the biggest, strongest female Gladiator? I don't get it.
Wolf kept howling to the crowd, which was annoying. Titan called him a girl at one point. Militia got hurt and wasn't seen again, but he's a pretty weak Gladiator if you ask me. Toa is hilarious because he shakes around and goes, "Oooga-booga-booga!"
As for Hulk Hogan, I think I'd rather have Mark Summers of Double Dare fame as a host. AG is a souped-up "physical challenge!" Give me Mark Summers! Hulk's pretty great on the mic: "Well, brother, you did great, brother! Tell me, brother, are you ready for the next event, brother?"
Another thing I questioned was the final event- the Eliminator. How come there aren't any Gladiators in this event? In the old version didn't they at least stand behind a wall as a road block or something? They aren't involved at all in the final event. Contestents fell down A LOT, and it was funny, but I gotta say, the old Eliminator was better. The new version has a weird barrel roll thing that just looks stupid. At least they remained consistent in that the toughest part of anything is the cargo net that they have to climb up.
The other highlights included the little Asian competitor riding his jousting stick like a pony after Mayhem got disquilified. Mayhem got disqualified twice in the Joust. I wonder if they'll show the Gladiator's win-loss record in future shows. The best line of the night was when Justice knocked someone down in the Gauntlet and the announcer said, "Justice was served... facially!"
Two competitors sustained injuries. One girl cut her face open in the Eliminator hitting it on a burning iron beam. The other girl just twisted her ankle or something and couldn't stay in the competition (I think she was taken down by Stealth, who I had deemed lamest pre-show Gladiator). So, she got hurt playing Powerball, which is the game where you try and dunk a ball in a basket while Gladiators try and tackle you. It's full-contact basketball for short people. I think I'd be okay at this event since it's one of those ones that require speed over strength. When the girl went down, the other person had to face all three Gladiators by herself. So this makes me think, if I was in this competition, could I take a half step and go down like I was injured, and then while the three Gladiators turned to face the other challenger I could grab two basketballs and quick dunk them in the baskets? 6-nothing, if you ask me! I'll try that next time I'm on the show.
I'm putting WAY too much thought into this. Some fun moments, but I don't need to clear my schedule for future episodes. I think that if I had a lot of ironing to do and nothing else was on TV while I was ironing, then I'd watch American Gladiators. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge is better. (Feel free to share your thoughts on Hogan, event strategies, the Gladiators or whatever).
Hellga was a bust. I plopped down on the coach at 8:00, and she didn't compete until about 9:15. In that competition, the Gauntlet, the two challengers just ran right by her, and that was all we saw of Hellga all night. She didn't send anyone to Valhalla! Disappointing. I think she's just too big to compete in most of the events. I was surprised she wasn't involved in the Hit and Run game, where Gladiators toss 100 lb silver nutsacks at challengers trying to cross a bridge. Wouldn't Hellga be ideal for this, being the biggest, strongest female Gladiator? I don't get it.
Wolf kept howling to the crowd, which was annoying. Titan called him a girl at one point. Militia got hurt and wasn't seen again, but he's a pretty weak Gladiator if you ask me. Toa is hilarious because he shakes around and goes, "Oooga-booga-booga!"
As for Hulk Hogan, I think I'd rather have Mark Summers of Double Dare fame as a host. AG is a souped-up "physical challenge!" Give me Mark Summers! Hulk's pretty great on the mic: "Well, brother, you did great, brother! Tell me, brother, are you ready for the next event, brother?"
Another thing I questioned was the final event- the Eliminator. How come there aren't any Gladiators in this event? In the old version didn't they at least stand behind a wall as a road block or something? They aren't involved at all in the final event. Contestents fell down A LOT, and it was funny, but I gotta say, the old Eliminator was better. The new version has a weird barrel roll thing that just looks stupid. At least they remained consistent in that the toughest part of anything is the cargo net that they have to climb up.
The other highlights included the little Asian competitor riding his jousting stick like a pony after Mayhem got disquilified. Mayhem got disqualified twice in the Joust. I wonder if they'll show the Gladiator's win-loss record in future shows. The best line of the night was when Justice knocked someone down in the Gauntlet and the announcer said, "Justice was served... facially!"
Two competitors sustained injuries. One girl cut her face open in the Eliminator hitting it on a burning iron beam. The other girl just twisted her ankle or something and couldn't stay in the competition (I think she was taken down by Stealth, who I had deemed lamest pre-show Gladiator). So, she got hurt playing Powerball, which is the game where you try and dunk a ball in a basket while Gladiators try and tackle you. It's full-contact basketball for short people. I think I'd be okay at this event since it's one of those ones that require speed over strength. When the girl went down, the other person had to face all three Gladiators by herself. So this makes me think, if I was in this competition, could I take a half step and go down like I was injured, and then while the three Gladiators turned to face the other challenger I could grab two basketballs and quick dunk them in the baskets? 6-nothing, if you ask me! I'll try that next time I'm on the show.
I'm putting WAY too much thought into this. Some fun moments, but I don't need to clear my schedule for future episodes. I think that if I had a lot of ironing to do and nothing else was on TV while I was ironing, then I'd watch American Gladiators. Most Extreme Elimination Challenge is better. (Feel free to share your thoughts on Hogan, event strategies, the Gladiators or whatever).
Gladiators, Ready!
So, it's a few minutes before the premiere of American Gladiators, and I'm excited, but don't expect it to be as awesome as it was when I was 7 years old. Could be funny, though.
I decided to take a look at the new Gladiators on NBC.com. By far my early favorite is HELL-GA. What a great name, and the bio on her is even better: "When she stomps into Gladiator Arena, most sensible opponents run for cover rather than risk a Viking funeral. She may have left her horned helmet on the boat, but she hits with the force of Thor's hammer, and quickly sends opponents straight to Valhalla."
Yes! This could be the best show ever. I think "Wolf" has the best Gladiator name for the guys, simply because if there was a comic book hero named Wolf, he'd look exactly like this guy. Actually, I think there was a character named Wolf in Disney's Gargoyles that kinda proves my point. I wonder if when Wolf auditioned he was like, "My Gladiator name is Icepick," and producers were like, "No." He could also pass for a pretty good pirate.
The worst Gladiator name is "Stealth." Stealth? That'd be better for a ninja, but for a Gladiator I want someone who's screaming their lungs out as they charge at their opponents with a spear or sword or giant Q-Tip (joust stick). She's only 5'2", and she's the only Gladiator I outweigh by more than 20 lbs. Actually, looking at the Gladiator roster, I pretty much have the same build as all the other women. (Hellga's 6'1, 205lbs, but the other women are all around 5'8", 145lbs).
If I had to compete against any Gladiator my best chance would be against Stealth. I'd probably taunt her too. Stupid Stealth. Titan also looks like a tool, but in a goofy "Captain Amazing" kinda way, so I have high hopes for him. He'd be the one I'd want to shoot with tennis balls (Assault).
I'll have a post-viewing report eventually. Right now I need to do some pushups in the living room to get myself further amped up for this stupid program.
Friday, January 4, 2008
well trained
I haven't followed up with the aquarium because I was going to take a look at a coworker's camera but he keeps forgetting to bring it in. My digital camera kinda sucks, but since I pretty much only use it to document the aquatic life in my cubicle I'm not too concerned.
Anyway, it's story time.
Last weekend I was at the bar spending my well-earned $50 gift certificate. I went to the bathroom and there were two guys washing their hands and this is the conversation they had (pardon the language- I'm just quoting them):
Guy #1: So this guy totally broke into our place to steal stuff and he had a gun to our heads and I was all like 'whatever,' and calling him a pussy.
Guy #2: Yeah, if anyone put a gun to my head I'd totally kill them.
Guy #1: Well, I didn't want to kill him, but he was just a pussy, man.
(and then Guy #2 lowers his voice a little and gets real serious)
Guy #2: Well I never told you this before, man... (dramatic pause)... but I'm trained in fighting.
Then they walked out. I was laughing because of the delivery. These guys were blood-brothers and knew everything about each other, but Guy #2 had kept this one dark secret to himself and it tore him up inside. Yeah, man. Trained in fighting.
Anyway, it's story time.
Last weekend I was at the bar spending my well-earned $50 gift certificate. I went to the bathroom and there were two guys washing their hands and this is the conversation they had (pardon the language- I'm just quoting them):
Guy #1: So this guy totally broke into our place to steal stuff and he had a gun to our heads and I was all like 'whatever,' and calling him a pussy.
Guy #2: Yeah, if anyone put a gun to my head I'd totally kill them.
Guy #1: Well, I didn't want to kill him, but he was just a pussy, man.
(and then Guy #2 lowers his voice a little and gets real serious)
Guy #2: Well I never told you this before, man... (dramatic pause)... but I'm trained in fighting.
Then they walked out. I was laughing because of the delivery. These guys were blood-brothers and knew everything about each other, but Guy #2 had kept this one dark secret to himself and it tore him up inside. Yeah, man. Trained in fighting.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Golden Comp-ASS!
I saw The Golden Compass with the fam over the weekend. Wow, what a terrible film! Good books don't always make good films, but this was just awful. Gandalf and Saruman of L.O.R. wizarding fame reunited. I guess they thought if they took actors from a good book-turned-movie that they'd find success. Gandalf/Ian McKellen supplied the voice of Iorek the bear, and Saruman/Christopher Lee plays "guy who sat in shadows for a minute and said something ominoius." I don't even know why he was in this film, and can't remember the ominous thing he said. I'm sure it had nothing to do with anything.
I knew I had seen the witch somewhere before. The witches in the movie, like pretty much everything else in the movie, weren't explained at all. They just kinda show up and everyone's like, "Uh, witches... great." And then they shoot arrows and there's some gold spraklers. Anyway, the witch is Eva Green, who played the last Bond chick in Casino Royale, the movie with Daniel Craig who plays Lord Asriel in Golden Compass. WTF? Let's get a bunch of characters from the Lord of the Rings and James Bond movies to make a crappy movie.
My favorite things about the movie: One was when these two golden bug things are spying on the heroes and one of them gets captured and sealed in a round tin while the other bug-spy device flies away. An old wise gypsy is like, "Well, we caught this one, but that other one is still out there and could put all our lives in terrible, terrible danger!" And that's the last we hear of the bug that got away. It got away! We're all doomed! Or not. My other favorite thing was that the movie just sort of ends. It stops with about 4 chapters left in the book and I was pretty thankful because at that point I just wanted to go home like the character Roger, who is saved and then takes a nap. Hooray! Good thing nothing bad happens to him! (This is sarcasm that anyone who has read the book and seen the movie can identify with).
When the credits started rolling I stood up and said to my sister, "That was terrible," and some woman sitting behind us retorted, "I LIKED IT!" Okay, Great! Thanks, random stranger.
If anyone wants to chat more about the book and/or film, feel free to comment. My fish have grown, by the way. I'll document that soon.
I knew I had seen the witch somewhere before. The witches in the movie, like pretty much everything else in the movie, weren't explained at all. They just kinda show up and everyone's like, "Uh, witches... great." And then they shoot arrows and there's some gold spraklers. Anyway, the witch is Eva Green, who played the last Bond chick in Casino Royale, the movie with Daniel Craig who plays Lord Asriel in Golden Compass. WTF? Let's get a bunch of characters from the Lord of the Rings and James Bond movies to make a crappy movie.
My favorite things about the movie: One was when these two golden bug things are spying on the heroes and one of them gets captured and sealed in a round tin while the other bug-spy device flies away. An old wise gypsy is like, "Well, we caught this one, but that other one is still out there and could put all our lives in terrible, terrible danger!" And that's the last we hear of the bug that got away. It got away! We're all doomed! Or not. My other favorite thing was that the movie just sort of ends. It stops with about 4 chapters left in the book and I was pretty thankful because at that point I just wanted to go home like the character Roger, who is saved and then takes a nap. Hooray! Good thing nothing bad happens to him! (This is sarcasm that anyone who has read the book and seen the movie can identify with).
When the credits started rolling I stood up and said to my sister, "That was terrible," and some woman sitting behind us retorted, "I LIKED IT!" Okay, Great! Thanks, random stranger.
If anyone wants to chat more about the book and/or film, feel free to comment. My fish have grown, by the way. I'll document that soon.
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