Gladiators, Ready!

So, it's a few minutes before the premiere of American Gladiators, and I'm excited, but don't expect it to be as awesome as it was when I was 7 years old. Could be funny, though.

I decided to take a look at the new Gladiators on NBC.com. By far my early favorite is HELL-GA. What a great name, and the bio on her is even better: "When she stomps into Gladiator Arena, most sensible opponents run for cover rather than risk a Viking funeral. She may have left her horned helmet on the boat, but she hits with the force of Thor's hammer, and quickly sends opponents straight to Valhalla."

Yes! This could be the best show ever. I think "Wolf" has the best Gladiator name for the guys, simply because if there was a comic book hero named Wolf, he'd look exactly like this guy. Actually, I think there was a character named Wolf in Disney's Gargoyles that kinda proves my point. I wonder if when Wolf auditioned he was like, "My Gladiator name is Icepick," and producers were like, "No." He could also pass for a pretty good pirate.

The worst Gladiator name is "Stealth." Stealth? That'd be better for a ninja, but for a Gladiator I want someone who's screaming their lungs out as they charge at their opponents with a spear or sword or giant Q-Tip (joust stick). She's only 5'2", and she's the only Gladiator I outweigh by more than 20 lbs. Actually, looking at the Gladiator roster, I pretty much have the same build as all the other women. (Hellga's 6'1, 205lbs, but the other women are all around 5'8", 145lbs).

If I had to compete against any Gladiator my best chance would be against Stealth. I'd probably taunt her too. Stupid Stealth. Titan also looks like a tool, but in a goofy "Captain Amazing" kinda way, so I have high hopes for him. He'd be the one I'd want to shoot with tennis balls (Assault).

I'll have a post-viewing report eventually. Right now I need to do some pushups in the living room to get myself further amped up for this stupid program.