Previously, on 24...
Remember how psyched I was that David Anders was moving into position to be a pretty awesome villain? Yeah, in the first 5 minutes of the show this week he decided to wuss out and take immunity, and then he got shot by a sniper. I'm not happy about that. Technically CTU hasn't found his body yet, but looks like he's out of the picture. I counting him as dead until proven otherwise.
Fahrad gets the uranium rods and his buddies take him to a warehouse and peer pressure him into using the rods to make a bomb to detonate in New York. Fahrad gets nervous and runs away and calls CTU for help.
Back at CTU, Director Hastings is trying to blame Renee for the missing rods because she got all stabby. Jack doesn't like that and tries to break her out of CTU, but he gets tazered by a guard and goes down. Riiiiiight. Jack was just electrocuted a whole bunch of times by the Russians and was still perfectly capable of breaking someone's neck with his monkey feet, but gets zapped once here and he's dropped like a sack of potatoes.
Hastings wants to send out agent Ortiz to get Fahrad, but Ortiz is off looking for Dana, who's been sitting in her car with a gun watching her criminal ex-boyfriend for the last 40 minutes . Ortiz' backup is some 14-yr-old kid. CTU's hiring skills again on display! Jack says he'll take over the mission and bring back Fahrad if Hastings agrees to stop bugging crazy Renee.
Dana Walsh finally decides to get out of the car and is stopped just in time by Ortiz. Good thing she sat there doing nothing for 40 minutes! Dana tells Ortiz about her secret past and Ortiz confronts the criminals, telling them to get outta town. Ortiz and Dana walk away, one criminal stabs the other one and then goes after Ortiz, and Ortiz shoots him with a shotgun. This entire time I was praying for Dana to somehow die, but it didn't happen. 24 kills off Joseph, but keeps Dana around. Grrrr.
I know it's a little backwards saving the Dana/Ortiz stuff for last, but really nothing else happened. That should say something about how terrible this episode was. Too bad too; they had been on a little bit of a roll. Hopefully Dana's stupid side-story is winding down now that those thieving blackmailers are dead. Just put her in jail and be done with her. Next week Jack should get some cheap anonymous henchmen kills. And I'm not even happy about that. You know why? Because I don't give a crap! So far Director Hasting has been more of a bad guy than most of the supposed villains. In nine hours we've had Davros, Vladimir, Sergei, Fahrad Hassan, and Joseph as the possible head evil-doer. Davros, Vladimir, and Joseph are dead, Sergei is in custody, and Fahrad is trying to give up. Now some guy named Sahim is taking over, but who knows how long that will last? There's no criminal mastermind, they're just playing hot-potato with the uranium rods and it sucks. And yes, that's my second potato reference in this post.
Death tally:
Ortiz: 1 (shotgunned one of the blackmailers)
Bad guys: 2 (Sniper kills Joseph, Dana's ex stabbed by the other blackmailer)
Ortiz has 4 kills now, bad guys are up to 21, projected totals for the season dips to 93 kills.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
More like "Surro-GREAT!"
It's been awhile since I've a done a movie review. I hit up the RedBox today looking for Zombieland, but had to settle for Surrogates. I guess all the copies of Zombieland were checked out for Valentine's Day. So, crappy action movie time! Hooray. I'm excited. Spoilers ahead, in case you need the warning.
During the opening credits we get brief clips from 14/11/7 years ago about robotic advancements for the physically disabled and how that evolved into people buying these surrogate robots just for funzies. Basically they plug into a chair like The Matrix, and they can walk around as beautiful robots. A newscaster informs us that since everyone started using surrogates in the real world, crime and health problems and racism are nearly non-existant. There are a few surrogate-free zones of people who are against other people plugging into machines, and Ving Rhames is their leader.
The credits end and we're brought to "today". A kid is riding around in a limo and goes to a club where everyone is super hot and he starts making out with a girl. A motorcyclist attacks them with a gun that shoots lightning bolts and melts their eyeballs and memory chips. Surrogate Bruce Willis is a cop and shows up to investigate. Surrogate Bruce Willis looks the same as regular Bruce Willis, except he has a silly hairpiece on (I'm going to call him SBW now).
SBW goes to check out the girl's "user" and finds a dead body (with exploded eyeballs). The cops are all freaked because in theory if your surrogate dies, the user is NOT supposed to die because of some failsafe mechanisms. (In this way, it is the opposite of The Matrix.... so it's original). SBW returns home and plugs into his charging station, and real-life Bruce Willis unplugs himself from his chair. Bruce walks around and wishes his "real" wife would talk to him, but she only walks around as her surrogate self.
The next day they find the guy user who was with the girl and he's dead with melted eyeballs too. Turns out he was the son of Canter, the guy who first invented surrogates. The motorcyclist was actually trying to kill Canter, but killed his son by mistake. SBW goes to talk to real Canter, but only talks to surrogate Canter. Canter says he has lots of surrogates.
SBW goes to Virtual Self Inc. to figure out how an operator could die when the surrogate dies. They say that can't happen, and show some surrogates that the army uses. I'm confused why we need army surrogates since the newslady at the beginning told me there was peace because everyone was using surrogates, but whatever.
SBW talks to a police friend who monitors the whole world with his computers by using some surrogates and computers to track all the surrogates. It's kinda like what Batman had Lucius set up for him with the cellphones in The Dark Knight. He demonstrates how he can disconnect/shut down a surrogate remotely to stop any crimes. They use this system to find the motorcyclist who has the lightning eye-melty gun.
SBW chases him and a bunch of cops get shot with the melty gun and die. The motorcyclist shoots the helicopter SBW is in, but Bruce unplugs from his surrogate just in time so he doesn't die. The helicopter crashes, and real Bruce Willis plugs back in, and SBW is all beat up from the crash. He only has one arm now, so it looks like Terminator 2. He chases the murderer, but some of the anti-robot people shoot SBW, so now Bruce Willis has to go through the rest of the movie as the "real" Bruce Willis (no more bad hair piece!) He's a little disoriented because he's not used to walking around as a real person since he mostly lives everyday through his surrogate. Ving Rhames then takes the lightning gun and kills the motorcyclist.
Then Canter tells Bruce to go after the lightning gun. Bruce goes back home and his wife is having a party where surrogates are shocking themselves with a bong that shoots lightning. Bruce yells at his wife, "How long have you been jacking?!" which is a ripoff of a Futurama episode where Bender jacks into all sorts of things. Then Bruce punches off the robot face of one of the surrogates. This was funny, and had nothing to do with anything.
Bruce looks over some files and sees that the army ended its contract with Canter, who was not only the surrogate creator, but also the creator of the lightning gun. Apparently the gun was designed to stop surrogates but it had a bug that gets by the failsafes and kills the users, and all of the lightning guns were supposed to be destroyed, but they weren't. Then Bruce Willis' partner is murdered (in real life... her surrogate is still okay) by some new bad guy. The bad guy then takes Bruce Willis' partner's surrogate.
Bruce goes to his wife's beauty shop, where she peels off a surrogate's face to remold or something. She says, "I'm going to take your face off!" in almost the exact same way that Nic Cage said it in the movie Face Off. The army goes after Ving Rhames, the leader of the anti-surrogate people, and they shoot him and find out that HE'S a surrogate! then we find out that he's one of Canter's surrogates!!
Then Bruce Willis talks to the chief of police and accuses him of originally having the lightning gun and attempting to murder Canter. I have no idea why the police chief is all of a sudden the bad guy, but he is. Bruce Willis stabs the police cheif in the back of the head to steal some files and then runs away. Bruce Willis' partner then turns on him (because she's really dead and is being driven by a bad guy), and she tries to steal those files that Bruce Willis just stole. There is actually a pretty cool action scene here, where they give the surrogate lady all sorts of crazy jumping moves while Bruce repeatedly tries to hit her with his car. He runs over a whole bunch of innocent surrogates, and she jumps over a bunch of cars while in her high heels. It's excellent.
She gets away and goes to the bat computer with the intention of killing everyone who is plugged into a surrogate (which is basically everyone on the planet). The surrogate police chief shows up, and she fries him with the lightning gun. Bruce Willis goes to see Canter and finds out that he's the one driving his partner's surrogate, so now he's really the bad guy. Canter uses Bruce's partner's surrogate to start the countdown on the computer, then he kills himself. Bruce then jumps into his partner's surrogate and hits CTRL + ALT + Delete which fixes the computer so that no one will die when the surrogates shut down. He then has to make the decision to save everyone's surrogates, or let them all malfunction. He decides to let them all malfunction, essentially carrying out Canter's evil plan for him, except without killing everyone on the planet.
Because they all malfunction, all the surrogate people stop working and fall down. The last few minutes of the movie is literally just watching beautiful people fall down stairs. BWAHAHAHAHA! This was great. I watched this scene about eight or nine times and just laughed my ass off. Totally worth the $1 rental! Real people unplug themselves and go outside and squint at the sun, and Bruce goes home and sees his real wife, and a news reporter announces that the systems are down, and we're all on our own. I think the moral of the story was "Don't help the disabled." THE END!
During the opening credits we get brief clips from 14/11/7 years ago about robotic advancements for the physically disabled and how that evolved into people buying these surrogate robots just for funzies. Basically they plug into a chair like The Matrix, and they can walk around as beautiful robots. A newscaster informs us that since everyone started using surrogates in the real world, crime and health problems and racism are nearly non-existant. There are a few surrogate-free zones of people who are against other people plugging into machines, and Ving Rhames is their leader.
The credits end and we're brought to "today". A kid is riding around in a limo and goes to a club where everyone is super hot and he starts making out with a girl. A motorcyclist attacks them with a gun that shoots lightning bolts and melts their eyeballs and memory chips. Surrogate Bruce Willis is a cop and shows up to investigate. Surrogate Bruce Willis looks the same as regular Bruce Willis, except he has a silly hairpiece on (I'm going to call him SBW now).
SBW goes to check out the girl's "user" and finds a dead body (with exploded eyeballs). The cops are all freaked because in theory if your surrogate dies, the user is NOT supposed to die because of some failsafe mechanisms. (In this way, it is the opposite of The Matrix.... so it's original). SBW returns home and plugs into his charging station, and real-life Bruce Willis unplugs himself from his chair. Bruce walks around and wishes his "real" wife would talk to him, but she only walks around as her surrogate self.
The next day they find the guy user who was with the girl and he's dead with melted eyeballs too. Turns out he was the son of Canter, the guy who first invented surrogates. The motorcyclist was actually trying to kill Canter, but killed his son by mistake. SBW goes to talk to real Canter, but only talks to surrogate Canter. Canter says he has lots of surrogates.
SBW goes to Virtual Self Inc. to figure out how an operator could die when the surrogate dies. They say that can't happen, and show some surrogates that the army uses. I'm confused why we need army surrogates since the newslady at the beginning told me there was peace because everyone was using surrogates, but whatever.
SBW talks to a police friend who monitors the whole world with his computers by using some surrogates and computers to track all the surrogates. It's kinda like what Batman had Lucius set up for him with the cellphones in The Dark Knight. He demonstrates how he can disconnect/shut down a surrogate remotely to stop any crimes. They use this system to find the motorcyclist who has the lightning eye-melty gun.
SBW chases him and a bunch of cops get shot with the melty gun and die. The motorcyclist shoots the helicopter SBW is in, but Bruce unplugs from his surrogate just in time so he doesn't die. The helicopter crashes, and real Bruce Willis plugs back in, and SBW is all beat up from the crash. He only has one arm now, so it looks like Terminator 2. He chases the murderer, but some of the anti-robot people shoot SBW, so now Bruce Willis has to go through the rest of the movie as the "real" Bruce Willis (no more bad hair piece!) He's a little disoriented because he's not used to walking around as a real person since he mostly lives everyday through his surrogate. Ving Rhames then takes the lightning gun and kills the motorcyclist.
Then Canter tells Bruce to go after the lightning gun. Bruce goes back home and his wife is having a party where surrogates are shocking themselves with a bong that shoots lightning. Bruce yells at his wife, "How long have you been jacking?!" which is a ripoff of a Futurama episode where Bender jacks into all sorts of things. Then Bruce punches off the robot face of one of the surrogates. This was funny, and had nothing to do with anything.
Bruce looks over some files and sees that the army ended its contract with Canter, who was not only the surrogate creator, but also the creator of the lightning gun. Apparently the gun was designed to stop surrogates but it had a bug that gets by the failsafes and kills the users, and all of the lightning guns were supposed to be destroyed, but they weren't. Then Bruce Willis' partner is murdered (in real life... her surrogate is still okay) by some new bad guy. The bad guy then takes Bruce Willis' partner's surrogate.
Bruce goes to his wife's beauty shop, where she peels off a surrogate's face to remold or something. She says, "I'm going to take your face off!" in almost the exact same way that Nic Cage said it in the movie Face Off. The army goes after Ving Rhames, the leader of the anti-surrogate people, and they shoot him and find out that HE'S a surrogate! then we find out that he's one of Canter's surrogates!!
Then Bruce Willis talks to the chief of police and accuses him of originally having the lightning gun and attempting to murder Canter. I have no idea why the police chief is all of a sudden the bad guy, but he is. Bruce Willis stabs the police cheif in the back of the head to steal some files and then runs away. Bruce Willis' partner then turns on him (because she's really dead and is being driven by a bad guy), and she tries to steal those files that Bruce Willis just stole. There is actually a pretty cool action scene here, where they give the surrogate lady all sorts of crazy jumping moves while Bruce repeatedly tries to hit her with his car. He runs over a whole bunch of innocent surrogates, and she jumps over a bunch of cars while in her high heels. It's excellent.She gets away and goes to the bat computer with the intention of killing everyone who is plugged into a surrogate (which is basically everyone on the planet). The surrogate police chief shows up, and she fries him with the lightning gun. Bruce Willis goes to see Canter and finds out that he's the one driving his partner's surrogate, so now he's really the bad guy. Canter uses Bruce's partner's surrogate to start the countdown on the computer, then he kills himself. Bruce then jumps into his partner's surrogate and hits CTRL + ALT + Delete which fixes the computer so that no one will die when the surrogates shut down. He then has to make the decision to save everyone's surrogates, or let them all malfunction. He decides to let them all malfunction, essentially carrying out Canter's evil plan for him, except without killing everyone on the planet.
Because they all malfunction, all the surrogate people stop working and fall down. The last few minutes of the movie is literally just watching beautiful people fall down stairs. BWAHAHAHAHA! This was great. I watched this scene about eight or nine times and just laughed my ass off. Totally worth the $1 rental! Real people unplug themselves and go outside and squint at the sun, and Bruce goes home and sees his real wife, and a news reporter announces that the systems are down, and we're all on our own. I think the moral of the story was "Don't help the disabled." THE END!
Monday, February 15, 2010
24: Jack turns the tables
(Note: I was reviewing last week's notes and I realized that I miscalculated on the projected death tolls. I recalculated and updated accordingly. My apologies.)
Previously, on 24...
I think I'll just keep up my routine of recapping all the side story nonsense before moving on to the Jack stuff. Hassan's daughter is upset that he arrested her boyfriend. She tells her father that she loves him, and Hassan basically says, "Well then he must be guilty!" I like Hassan. I think if the peace treaty talks got pretty intense then Jack and Hassan could just have a beer together and everything would be okay.
Dana's convict friends are celebrating the big score at a strip club. They call Dana and she says, "So, we're all good now, right?" and they say, "Nah, we think we want you to keep helping us with crime." Then a CTU computer guy tells Dana that he knows she's sneaking around and she should tell agent Ortiz or he'll tell on her. Dana tells Ortiz that she has a secret past, and he says he'll love her no matter what, but then their conversation gets interrupted. Dana, empowered by her fiancee's love, sneaks out to maybe go kill the convict guys. I hope she dies.
Joseph finishes burying his brother, and Joseph keeps his brothers necklace.
CTU picks Renee up and is planning to give her a psychiatric evaluation. I like crazy Renee.
Jack is back at Sergei's place, dangling from the ceiling and being tortured. A henchman is electrocuting Jack and poking his bread knife wound. Jack pretends to pass out after being shocked and the henchman goes to get some smelling salts to wake him up. Jack uses his feet to grab the henchman and the cables and electrocute the bad guy into unconsciousness. It takes a few minutes for Jack to shake free from the ceiling, but just as he drops to the ground the bad guy wakes up and they wrassle. Jack snaps the bad guy's neck with his legs and grabs his cell phone, which doesn't work.
Jack cuts the power and the bad guys go to find him. Jack grabs and stabs one bad guy, takes his cellphone to call Chloe and tell her to send backup, and grabs his pistol and uses that to shoot two more henchmen. Sergei fires a blast from his shotgun and dives out of the way, then Jack picks up an uzi and hides under a table. Sergei shoots a few tables with his shotgun, and Jack jumps up and knocks Sergei out by flipping a table over.
Sergei is now in custody and agrees to give up the uranium rods if Jack can give him and Joseph full immunity. Jack calls the president and gets Sergei's immunity. It only took a few seconds, thank goodness. Last season it felt like Jack was on the phone with the stupid lady president for 15 of the 24 hours. Sergei gives CTU the info, and they go to check out the truck that was carrying the uranium. They find two dead bodies in the truck, and the uranium is gone. Hanging from the truck is a gold necklace, and the episode ends with Joseph driving around with the uranium and on the phone with Hassan's brother. The uranium will be delivered soon.
I had previously mentioned that I was afraid Joesph would become all sad and whiny, but now that doesn't appear to be the case. I'm thrilled that Joseph betrayed his father and will hopefully be pretty awesome as the main villain. Not as good an episode as last week, but I like the way things are shaping up with a clear bad guy, and with Jack killing people. Death tally!
Jack: 4 (broke one neck, stabbed one, shot two)
Bad guys: 2 (Joseph shot two in the truck)
4 kills for Jack! He had only 5 kills total before tonight. They weren't exceptional, but a kill is still a kill. A third of the way through the season and Jack has 9 total. Joseph's +2 for the bad guys brings their total to 19. Ortiz is still at 3, Renee is still at 1. I triple checked my work this time, and we're on pace for 96 kills.
Previously, on 24...
I think I'll just keep up my routine of recapping all the side story nonsense before moving on to the Jack stuff. Hassan's daughter is upset that he arrested her boyfriend. She tells her father that she loves him, and Hassan basically says, "Well then he must be guilty!" I like Hassan. I think if the peace treaty talks got pretty intense then Jack and Hassan could just have a beer together and everything would be okay.
Dana's convict friends are celebrating the big score at a strip club. They call Dana and she says, "So, we're all good now, right?" and they say, "Nah, we think we want you to keep helping us with crime." Then a CTU computer guy tells Dana that he knows she's sneaking around and she should tell agent Ortiz or he'll tell on her. Dana tells Ortiz that she has a secret past, and he says he'll love her no matter what, but then their conversation gets interrupted. Dana, empowered by her fiancee's love, sneaks out to maybe go kill the convict guys. I hope she dies.
Joseph finishes burying his brother, and Joseph keeps his brothers necklace.
CTU picks Renee up and is planning to give her a psychiatric evaluation. I like crazy Renee.
Jack is back at Sergei's place, dangling from the ceiling and being tortured. A henchman is electrocuting Jack and poking his bread knife wound. Jack pretends to pass out after being shocked and the henchman goes to get some smelling salts to wake him up. Jack uses his feet to grab the henchman and the cables and electrocute the bad guy into unconsciousness. It takes a few minutes for Jack to shake free from the ceiling, but just as he drops to the ground the bad guy wakes up and they wrassle. Jack snaps the bad guy's neck with his legs and grabs his cell phone, which doesn't work.
Jack cuts the power and the bad guys go to find him. Jack grabs and stabs one bad guy, takes his cellphone to call Chloe and tell her to send backup, and grabs his pistol and uses that to shoot two more henchmen. Sergei fires a blast from his shotgun and dives out of the way, then Jack picks up an uzi and hides under a table. Sergei shoots a few tables with his shotgun, and Jack jumps up and knocks Sergei out by flipping a table over.
Sergei is now in custody and agrees to give up the uranium rods if Jack can give him and Joseph full immunity. Jack calls the president and gets Sergei's immunity. It only took a few seconds, thank goodness. Last season it felt like Jack was on the phone with the stupid lady president for 15 of the 24 hours. Sergei gives CTU the info, and they go to check out the truck that was carrying the uranium. They find two dead bodies in the truck, and the uranium is gone. Hanging from the truck is a gold necklace, and the episode ends with Joseph driving around with the uranium and on the phone with Hassan's brother. The uranium will be delivered soon.
I had previously mentioned that I was afraid Joesph would become all sad and whiny, but now that doesn't appear to be the case. I'm thrilled that Joseph betrayed his father and will hopefully be pretty awesome as the main villain. Not as good an episode as last week, but I like the way things are shaping up with a clear bad guy, and with Jack killing people. Death tally!
Jack: 4 (broke one neck, stabbed one, shot two)
Bad guys: 2 (Joseph shot two in the truck)
4 kills for Jack! He had only 5 kills total before tonight. They weren't exceptional, but a kill is still a kill. A third of the way through the season and Jack has 9 total. Joseph's +2 for the bad guys brings their total to 19. Ortiz is still at 3, Renee is still at 1. I triple checked my work this time, and we're on pace for 96 kills.
Monday, February 8, 2010
24: Jack kills someone
Previously, on 24...
The Super Bowl is over, and 24 is the only thing I have to fill the void until baseball season starts. I could be in trouble. And yes, it's sad that the headline "Jack kills someone" constitutes as news this season. At least this week I get to put a few things in caps because some cool stuff happened.
First, the stupid side stories. Hassan is still taking a page out of the old Jack Bauer handbook by arresting people and threatening them with their family's lives. He even just arrested his daughter's boyfriend, who was one of Hassan's security guys. Good for him. Dana Walsh helps the criminals into a police locker warehouse and they beat up a guard and get away with some money. Good for them. They drink and drive because they're evil. Joseph is sad about his dead brother. A priest will bury him. Great. Now to the main story:
Vladimir drinks vodka and cackles because he's Russian and evil. He calls people asking about the uranium and actually reaches Sergei, the Russian who has the uranium, but Sergei says, "I don't have no uranium!" Vladimir wants to give up on the uranium hunt, but Renee desperately tries to get him to make more calls to his fave 5, and Vlad throws a few punches at Renee. Renee doesn't like this SO SHE STABS HIM REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE WITH A BREAD KNIFE! I like psycho Renee. She's probably not going to kill too many more people, but she's had the top two shocking moments of the season.
Jack hears her screaming as she kills Vlad and runs in, and Renee turns around and stabs Jack right in the guts. A Russian bad guy runs in and Jack PULLS THE KNIFE OUT OF HIS GUTS AND THROWS IT INTO THE BAD GUY'S NECK! Then Jack shoots another bad guy through the wall, and takes a look at his bloody guts. It's okay, though, because he has the commercial break to patch himself up.
Back from the commercial, Renee is sad. She probably needs a shower. Jack tells her everything will be okay. She says she's a wreck and has nothing, and Jack says, "You have me!" Awww. Then some more Russians show up and Jack puts Renee in a closet and purposely gets captured by the bad guys because he thinks CTU will track them and they'll find the uranium. The Russians leave and CTU shows up and Renee says, "Are you following Jack?" And CTU says, "What, we didn't see anyone enter or exit the building!" And do you know why?
Do you want to know WHY they didn't see any of the bad guys enter or exit? Because Ben inadvertently made a great call last week.
The terrorists...
are in...
the sewer.
YES! Good thing Renee flushed her waterproof earpiece! Now they'll be able to track Jack and save the day! I cheered when Renee stabbed Vladimir. I cheered when Jack pulled the knife from his guts and flung it across the room into a bad guy's trachea. I jumped off the frickin' couch and shouted in joy at the TV when CTU was trying to figure out what happened. THE TERRORISTS! ARE IN! THE SEWERRRRR!!!!!
And on that happy note, here's the death tally.
Renee: 1 (Vlad. Knife in the face!)
Jack: 2 (2 Russians. Shot one, knife in the neck for the other)
Atta boy, Jack! He's up to five kills now, and hopefully this is the snowball that starts the killing avalanche. Jack will probably get all tortured and stuff, and then it's killing time! Renee gets her first kill, and agent Ortiz and the bad guys stay put with 3 and 17 kills, respectively. We're still only on pace for an 89-kill season too, but I imagine that will pick up soon. Today was a good day.
The Super Bowl is over, and 24 is the only thing I have to fill the void until baseball season starts. I could be in trouble. And yes, it's sad that the headline "Jack kills someone" constitutes as news this season. At least this week I get to put a few things in caps because some cool stuff happened.
First, the stupid side stories. Hassan is still taking a page out of the old Jack Bauer handbook by arresting people and threatening them with their family's lives. He even just arrested his daughter's boyfriend, who was one of Hassan's security guys. Good for him. Dana Walsh helps the criminals into a police locker warehouse and they beat up a guard and get away with some money. Good for them. They drink and drive because they're evil. Joseph is sad about his dead brother. A priest will bury him. Great. Now to the main story:
Vladimir drinks vodka and cackles because he's Russian and evil. He calls people asking about the uranium and actually reaches Sergei, the Russian who has the uranium, but Sergei says, "I don't have no uranium!" Vladimir wants to give up on the uranium hunt, but Renee desperately tries to get him to make more calls to his fave 5, and Vlad throws a few punches at Renee. Renee doesn't like this SO SHE STABS HIM REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE WITH A BREAD KNIFE! I like psycho Renee. She's probably not going to kill too many more people, but she's had the top two shocking moments of the season.
Jack hears her screaming as she kills Vlad and runs in, and Renee turns around and stabs Jack right in the guts. A Russian bad guy runs in and Jack PULLS THE KNIFE OUT OF HIS GUTS AND THROWS IT INTO THE BAD GUY'S NECK! Then Jack shoots another bad guy through the wall, and takes a look at his bloody guts. It's okay, though, because he has the commercial break to patch himself up.
Back from the commercial, Renee is sad. She probably needs a shower. Jack tells her everything will be okay. She says she's a wreck and has nothing, and Jack says, "You have me!" Awww. Then some more Russians show up and Jack puts Renee in a closet and purposely gets captured by the bad guys because he thinks CTU will track them and they'll find the uranium. The Russians leave and CTU shows up and Renee says, "Are you following Jack?" And CTU says, "What, we didn't see anyone enter or exit the building!" And do you know why?
Do you want to know WHY they didn't see any of the bad guys enter or exit? Because Ben inadvertently made a great call last week.
The terrorists...
are in...
the sewer.
YES! Good thing Renee flushed her waterproof earpiece! Now they'll be able to track Jack and save the day! I cheered when Renee stabbed Vladimir. I cheered when Jack pulled the knife from his guts and flung it across the room into a bad guy's trachea. I jumped off the frickin' couch and shouted in joy at the TV when CTU was trying to figure out what happened. THE TERRORISTS! ARE IN! THE SEWERRRRR!!!!!
And on that happy note, here's the death tally.
Renee: 1 (Vlad. Knife in the face!)
Jack: 2 (2 Russians. Shot one, knife in the neck for the other)
Atta boy, Jack! He's up to five kills now, and hopefully this is the snowball that starts the killing avalanche. Jack will probably get all tortured and stuff, and then it's killing time! Renee gets her first kill, and agent Ortiz and the bad guys stay put with 3 and 17 kills, respectively. We're still only on pace for an 89-kill season too, but I imagine that will pick up soon. Today was a good day.
Milwaukee to erect world's ugliest statue
From ESPN: http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=4897641
The Twins visit Miller Park in June this year, and the statue isn't scheduled to go up until August, which means Twins fans probably won't T.P. it until 2011. If I do find my way to Milwaukee in August, I'm gonna boo the hell outta that statue.
I know "hate" is a strong word, and I tend to exaggerate sometimes when I write, but in this case there is no exaggeration, and no better word. I HATE Bud Selig. I have often said that if I could get one free swing at anyone in the world, Bud Selig would be at the top of my list (and not just because he looks like one of the Gringotts goblins from Harry Potter).
The Twins visit Miller Park in June this year, and the statue isn't scheduled to go up until August, which means Twins fans probably won't T.P. it until 2011. If I do find my way to Milwaukee in August, I'm gonna boo the hell outta that statue.
Monday, February 1, 2010
24: Renee takes a shower
Previously, on 24...
If you've read the title, you pretty much got everything important you need to know about this week's episode.
The show opens and Jack says, "You know, instead of having a suicidal Renee go undercover, maybe I should try my methods to get the info from the Russians!" And then Director Hastings says no. There's just not going to be any interrogations by Jack this year. Meanwhile, President Hassan is rounding up people he suspects of conspiring with his brother, and is probably interrogating and torturing them, just to rub it in our faces.
Dana Walsh is making key cards for her convict buddies, and if she has any brains she'll anonymously set the cops on them when they get to the warehouse full of drug money... but she and her entire storyline are stupid, so she won't.
Renee takes a shower at Vlad's place. She gets out of the shower and Vlad acts like a creep. Renee will end up killing him sometime during this season. Jack hears all of this because Renee had her earpiece in while she was in the shower. I think Jack spent the last 10 minutes listening to her in the shower, and I was pretty impressed that the earpiece didn't malfunction under the running water. Vlad leaves and Renee tells Jack, "I'm going dark!" and takes out the earpiece and puts it in the sink, turns on the faucet, and washes it down the drain. But since water clearly doesn't affect the earpiece, Jack can still listen in on the sewer system. Hopefully there are terrorists down there.
Joseph tries to save his brother from uranium poisoning but his dad sends some goons to pick them up. They kill three hospital workers. Maybe this won't be how the good guys end up tracking and stopping the bad guys, as I predicted last week. I guess it depends on how well they clean up the bodies. Joseph's dad then kills Joseph's brother. It'd be nice if Joseph would become a cool villain, but he'll probably be all preachy and turn against his dad.
Jack meets with Vladimir's men and he wears Harry Potter glasses as a disguise. Jack's fake name is "Mir", or at least that's what it sounded like. The henchmen try to double cross Jack, but agent Ortiz is hiding and snipes three of them. In two seconds he just caught up to Jack's kill count. Jack talks to Vlad on the phone, and heads over to their hideout. Next week will be the adventures of "Vlad 'n Mir".
Some pretty insignificant deaths, but at least there were more than last week's debacle.
Bad guys: 4 (3 hospital workers, Russian dad killed uranium boy)
Ortiz: 3 (Sniped Russian henchmen)
Jack again stays put with 3 kills. Bad guys get some cheap kills in to bring their total to 17. Our projected death toll for the season rebounds a little to 92, but it's hardly anything to celebrate as Freddy frickin' Prinze kills 3 and is likely going to end up with more kills than Jack Bauer.
If you've read the title, you pretty much got everything important you need to know about this week's episode.
The show opens and Jack says, "You know, instead of having a suicidal Renee go undercover, maybe I should try my methods to get the info from the Russians!" And then Director Hastings says no. There's just not going to be any interrogations by Jack this year. Meanwhile, President Hassan is rounding up people he suspects of conspiring with his brother, and is probably interrogating and torturing them, just to rub it in our faces.
Dana Walsh is making key cards for her convict buddies, and if she has any brains she'll anonymously set the cops on them when they get to the warehouse full of drug money... but she and her entire storyline are stupid, so she won't.
Renee takes a shower at Vlad's place. She gets out of the shower and Vlad acts like a creep. Renee will end up killing him sometime during this season. Jack hears all of this because Renee had her earpiece in while she was in the shower. I think Jack spent the last 10 minutes listening to her in the shower, and I was pretty impressed that the earpiece didn't malfunction under the running water. Vlad leaves and Renee tells Jack, "I'm going dark!" and takes out the earpiece and puts it in the sink, turns on the faucet, and washes it down the drain. But since water clearly doesn't affect the earpiece, Jack can still listen in on the sewer system. Hopefully there are terrorists down there.Joseph tries to save his brother from uranium poisoning but his dad sends some goons to pick them up. They kill three hospital workers. Maybe this won't be how the good guys end up tracking and stopping the bad guys, as I predicted last week. I guess it depends on how well they clean up the bodies. Joseph's dad then kills Joseph's brother. It'd be nice if Joseph would become a cool villain, but he'll probably be all preachy and turn against his dad.
Jack meets with Vladimir's men and he wears Harry Potter glasses as a disguise. Jack's fake name is "Mir", or at least that's what it sounded like. The henchmen try to double cross Jack, but agent Ortiz is hiding and snipes three of them. In two seconds he just caught up to Jack's kill count. Jack talks to Vlad on the phone, and heads over to their hideout. Next week will be the adventures of "Vlad 'n Mir".
Some pretty insignificant deaths, but at least there were more than last week's debacle.
Bad guys: 4 (3 hospital workers, Russian dad killed uranium boy)
Ortiz: 3 (Sniped Russian henchmen)
Jack again stays put with 3 kills. Bad guys get some cheap kills in to bring their total to 17. Our projected death toll for the season rebounds a little to 92, but it's hardly anything to celebrate as Freddy frickin' Prinze kills 3 and is likely going to end up with more kills than Jack Bauer.
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